Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
