Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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