So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
