Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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