The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
