Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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