What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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