So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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