just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
