There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
