I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
