So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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