Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
