I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
