it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
