i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
