Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
