She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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