we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
