so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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