my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
