I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize