i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
