so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
