i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
