I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
