For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
