guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
