so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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