I love black thongs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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