The maid of honor just puked.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
