I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
