Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
