idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
