Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Randomize
