you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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