youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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