Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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