idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
