is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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