My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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