she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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