You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
