I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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