Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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