My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
