You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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