if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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