I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
