Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
