drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
