Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
