Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
