It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
