I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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