He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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